Friday, December 12, 2008

Santa's coming..



'Oooh, that looks good!' I say to Lurch, as we make our way around the throbbing Christmas Market in York. 'You want one?' he asks. I nod my thanks and tuck into a steaming crepe, filled to the brim with ham and melted cheese, all washed down with a hot and spicy cup of mulled wine. We move onto the next stall, specialist chocolatiers with a bedazzling array of hand-crafted jewels. 'Just a taster then' I'm transported to food heaven and buy a small crate to dip into on the long winter evenings, whilst tucked up reading in front of the fire. After an exhausting shopping trip I treat myself to a couple of mince pies and a cappucino. I love this time of year!



I don't love going to the dentist though. Until recently we had an excellent,kindly 60 year old dentist who played Radio 2 and turned on the fan heater to full blast in the waiting room to dry out the damp woodchip wallpaper. He had a heart attack and sold on his life's work. I took the boys for the first time last week. Now everything glows and shimmers; the dentist and her assistant must be about 24 with shiny white hair, shiny white teeth and shiny white uniforms, the boys were transfixed by the sheer, physical perfection, I had an uneasy 'Vanilla Sky' type of feeling as if we were in another world, brought on by the shiny leaflets offering wrinkle fillers and perfect smiles.

It was my turn today and I got ready. We've been waiting for an oil delivery for ten days so have had minimal heating and it's freezing. I put on my red fleece and a cream scarf and went to the bathroom to clean my teeth for the regulatory four minutes, plus flossing, plus mouthwash. As I approached the bathroom a little bit of magic happened, I caught a glimpse of Santa! It couldn't be, could it? It wasn't, of course, it was me! Yes me! All red-faced from the cold and the fire-heat with a festivity-laden stomach bulging out into my red fleece. I carefully turned the mirror to the wall.



Two fillings and £200 later I've made some resolutions. No longer am I going to a) turn myself into a Christmas pudding/bauble fit to hang on a giant Norwegian Spruce every year and b) sport Austin Powers style gnashers from the 1960's - time to move on, as soon as the house is sold I'm gonna get myself some 21st Century teeth!


20 comments:

Casdok said...

Mmm that crepe sounds very yummy!!
£200 for 2 fillings! Think you just paid for the shiny white uniforms and leaflets!

Ladybird World Mother said...

I have the same dentist I swear!! Our old one had wonderfully imperfect teeth. New one looks like extra off American Sit Com. Dazzling teeth and assistant.
so agree with this time of year re. food. And laughed hard at your Father Christmas mirror image!

Suburbia said...

That would be the tooth fairy you're after then, not Santa!!

Mean Mom said...

Love your Christmassy pictures. I've been going backwards and forwards to the dental hospital for months, now. It's all been very time consuming and stressful, because they are students, and everything takes twice as long, but the treatment has been free.

I've given up chocolate in the hope of keeping my teeth for a little while longer. Sob.

Lori ann said...

Dear Mama,It's not fair, we can't have our crepe and eat it too. I know exactly what you're talking about. Here's a good formula that works for me: 1 crepe = 5 miles(9 minute mile). Or...it's the Santa suit. I am wearing the suit right now too. ;)

DJ Kirkby said...

Hmmmm I take it that you go to a private dentist too?

Working mum said...

Same thing's happened at my dentist's. Do we really need a plasma tv on the wall in the waiting room?

I'm off to the German markets in Manchester tomorrow - I love all that mulled wine and stuff.

PS Following your comment on my congestion charge post - now that Manchester's voted 'no' the government said they would halt plans to poll other cities. We were the test case. I just hope they take notice of us!

French Fancy said...

that crepe sounds so breton -they stick cheese and ham in everything.

You are good brushing for four mins a go - I wish I was so diligent. I must say I'm not a fan of those bright white hollywood teeth - I reckon Martin Amis could have bought himself a mansion with what he spent on his teeth - mad, I say, mad.

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

You are a riot woman! I'm going to sell my house and get my teeth whitened, Liposuction - instert tube on top of head and press suck button. I'm going to have a facelift, boob lift and reduction and a bum tuck!

Happy Christmas Mrs Clause!

blogthatmama said...

DJ and Casdok you're right, what a Christmas shocker! It was for a check up, cleaning and two fillings, but still, where are those NHS dentists? Will have to try a medical school Mean Mom

LWM & WM it must be a new breed of dentist sweeping the country! Working Mum I hope that's the case.

Suburbia, very true, where is that fairy?:)

Lori Ann, that's the problem haven't been running for a while cos of the terrible weather here. I can't imagine you being a Xmas pudding though!

FF I would weigh a ton if I lived in France.

MOB, yes I must stop reading Closer and Heat! Mind you even after Sartre and Kundera I still think I'd want those gnashers..

rosiero said...

My dentist has gone all modern now he has been forced to go private. But I think it's shame that everyone is going to sport flashing white teeth and there'll be no difference between us all.

KittyB said...

Don't get me started on Dentists going private and you have to pay monthly and there's nothing you can do about it (apart from have no dental care) and they go all fancy and hi-tech and the service gets (even) worse and the receptionists (even) more snotty.
Gawd.

http://reluctantmemsahib.wordpress.com said...

it is all just so unavoidably delicious though, isn't it.

Milla said...

yo! fat girl! Shave off that white beard, you know it doesn't suit you. Our dentist's gone all swish too, BUT it's actually pleasant to go to now. Still financially painful, natch, but she's Swedish and a sweetie and my adrenaline doesn't course around my body so it's probably worth it. Plus she shows Friends on teh ceiling on a little screen - have never seen Friends before and now it will be forever associated with scaling and polishing. Boo.

Mae said...

Looks like your are gearing up for a Merry Christmas. Great pics

cheshire wife said...

£200 sounds rather steep for two fillings. I hope they are white and shiny.

Very festive photos!

Footballers Knees said...

Hi there, just returned the visit and loved your blog. At least you got the teeth fixed before the whole planet shuts down for Christmas and you don't have to spend your festive season with interesting people in an emergency dentist's waiting room, trying to get something for the pain!
And as for turning your mirror to the wall - very funny. I have a personal rule that I never look at myself naked when I have my contact lenses in!

Susanna said...

My dentist has a video machine that shows everything in your mouth in 3D. As if I want to see it. Disgusting.

Just found your blog and added to the Best of the British Mummy Bloggers 2008 on amodernmother.com.

I'll be back.

Stinking Billy said...

mama, good post, but I will skip the bit about the dentist (got the T-shirt) and, instead, empathise with you having to ration-out your dwindling oil until the tanker calls by. It ain't funny, is it?

(Very) Lost in France said...

BTM - Aw, I wish our Christmas markets were like that! It made me feel homesick. Ours are more likely to have interesting 'objets de deco' made out of corn stalks, sausage dog shaped draught excluders and a manky donkey or two. Can sympathise with you about the heating. Our gas ran out on Christmas day and they won't deliver more as I forgot to pay for the last delivery. Ooops! Huddle together for warmth! VLiF