Invisibility cloak

Oh no! I weighed myself this morning and I've put on 4 pounds, that means I've got a stone and a half to lose before the Great North Run. Inspired by self disgust I've been on a 5 1/2 mile run. I ran around the village, everybody greeted me with very broad smiles, I know why. This is completely different to when I run in Leeds.

In Leeds I run with two young, fit women and guess what? Nobody notices me. It doesn't matter how red and sweaty I am, all eyes are on my colleagues. At first I found this hard to accept but then I came to view it as fantastically liberating, I can do what I want, when I want and truthfully not worry about what people think, what a relief! Lurch has been very cautious about my joy and said since my legs are my best feature it's a shame I don't wear skirts any more. He also told me that my 2004 Flora London marathon fleece and tracksuit bottoms have received several special mentions in his directional counselling. Maybe it is time to make an effort.

I think Lurch is worried I'm turning into my Aunty Babs. Aunty Babs lives in a trailer somewhere in Canada, she's El Vel's sister and is a compulsive gambler, hypochondriac and eater. She will often polish off a tub of Ben & Jerry's for a mid-morning snack. I think Lurch nearly called off the wedding when he met Aunty Babs - he said he'd never ever seen somebody with a beer belly on the back of their neck before. She also has to have a machine for sleep apnea in case she dies when she's kipping, although El Vel said she was snoring all the way back from the airport and still survived.