Tuesday, June 10, 2008
The best and worst features
One of my favourite articles in the Sunday papers is 'The best of times, the worst of times' because the author often refers to a period in their life that is simultaneously good and bad. Most of the time people seem to think that you have a good time or a bad time and never the twain shall meet.
I was thinking today about the best and the worst (yes, probably when I should have been working) and naturally my thoughts came round to me. What were my best features and my worst? I kicked off with the worst - my teeth, they are crooked and yellow, or 'dark' as the dentist tactfully puts it. I say my smile could be mistaken for a banana. I try not to blame my sainted parents for my mostly great childhood but really they should have insisted on a brace at the minimum.
How would my life have been different if I'd had straight white teeth? I think for a start people interviewing me would not have taken me for a bulldog sucking on a lemon so much ('she's very serious, isn't she!')and I would have appeared less like this at parties...
Lurch also has terrible teeth. Although they look a lot better than mine they are actually rotten to the core. Interestingly, his mother attributes it to his rejection of her from approximately two weeks old and his insistence on nothing but the finest carnation milk for the following two years.
My best feature is probably my legs, although they mostly remain modestly hidden under the confines of my tracky bottoms. As a girl I never had to worry about wearing shorts in summer, or mini skirts and that probably meant that I came across as a bit of a goer in those days, once you got over the grim expression, of course.